There are many hazards to getting older. You have to stretch before running. You stop growing vertically and start growing horizontally. Hair grows in places where it doesn’t belong. But perhaps the worst is the sudden memory loss. I like to think I’m not so old that my brain is disintegrating, but here is a case where it has let me down.
Sometime in the last year or two I acquired one of my favorite openers. It’s a cast iron wrench bottle opener. It is perfectly weighted and feels strong and sturdy in my grip. It pops the cap with ease and never falters. But where did it come from? Was it a gift? Did I find it in a store? Did I order it from the internet? Did I find it on the street? Beats me – I couldn’t figure it out.
There are no markings on the opener and an internet search reveals no others like it. I wrestled with this for a few weeks trying to remember.
The mystery wrench weighs a nice 4.75 oz and is 6.5 inches long. It is well-balanced and feels like a piece from a good toolbox. The slotted opening fits firmly over the cap and opens without slipping. The backside can be used to pry off a cap and works successfully after a few tugs. It works, but doesn’t add a lot of value except perhaps in the case where a non-standard crown cap is being opened. I always use the slotted side.
I was using the wrench to open my beer on the patio and then it hit me. Literally. I was splayed across the ground and woke with a knot on my head. After drinking the rest of my spilled beer to regain my wits, I looked at the wrench and remembered. World Market. I was probably buying some Dad’s Root Beer or some British chocolate bars when I found this opener. Searching the web, I found this as a discontinued and unlinked item on their site called a Tool Bottle Opener. The page said it was handcrafted by artisans in India. The same craftsmen who brought us sandalwood elephants, dancing cobras, and call centers. The Indians know their stuff and they made a fine bottle opener.
Summary
Does it open? The opener feels great and works great. It’s a champ.
Can it open anything else? As a wrench it isn’t functional at all. A good whack on the head might cure a case of amnesia or cause even more memory loss. From my experience, I think it’s best to dedicate it to beer bottles instead.
Overall rating: 
(5 / 5). This has been one of my favorites and my default go-to opener. I have no idea where it came from, but I’m glad it found me.
References: Tool Bottle Opener