Veering a bit off topic, I thought I should share the traditional Easter celebration known as Peep Jousting. Each Easter, we end up with more sugar in the house than we can handle. At some point the sugar buzz alters our judgment and war games are conducted for our mallow-thirsty amusement.
We selected four contestants at random from our box of gladiators. Each gladiator is armed with a toothpick and a taste for mayhem. There is not much coaching of the contestants, they must stab the other peep before being stabbed. The first to get lanced, is the loser. May the best Peep win!
ROUND ONE
The first contestants enter the turntable, with lances raised high and ready for battle. On the left is Sir Peepsalot and on the right is Yellow the Brave. They are slid into the microwave and nuked with power set to maximum and turntable rotation disabled. The battle begins. The Peeps expand and puff out their chests.
This first battle doesn’t last long – maybe 20 seconds. Sir Peepsalot on the left expanded enough to drive his lance through Yellow’s chest cavity. The right Peep began to roll as it was taken out. After taking them out of the microwave, they began to shrivel immediately. In this shriveled state, the results are very clear. Sir Peepsalot tasted victory, while Yellow the Brave only tasted death.
ROUND TWO
Soon after the carnage was cleared from the turntable, two more gladiators enter the Arena of Swollen Death. Fred the Sweet takes position on the left. Lord Puff holds position on the right. Both lower their lances before the battle begins.
The arena photographer tried different lighting techniques for this round to try to capture the glory and the gore. Each peep stares down his opponent. Nobody blinks. The microwave is started and the battle ensues.
Less than 20 seconds pass and the battle is over. At first it appeared to be a draw, with the gladiators tasting simultaneous death. However, the photo finish above shows Fred the Sweet managed to lance Lord Puff an instant before Puff’s lance delivers its death blow.
As with any war, there are no true victors. Except of course for the mallow-thirsty fans who eat the gladiators.
References: Using hard science, the Smithsonian did extensive research to determine whether a stale Peep held any advantage over a fresh Peep in jousting. Read the article from 2010.
Oh the humanity!